I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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