Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
