The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
