you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
is wine microwaveable?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
