I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Someone signed my nipple.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
