When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
