Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize