Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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