Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
