Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
