You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
