just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
