remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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