I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
