five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
