i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
