I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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