worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The air taste purple.
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