He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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