Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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