Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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