dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
