ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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