i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
