I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
