if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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