I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
