i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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