I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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