Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
