thus making me awesome and them whores
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize