i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
