i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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