I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
