HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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