all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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