So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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