its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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