I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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