In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
the liver wants what the liver wants
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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