yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
