Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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