someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
