Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
