My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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