Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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