please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
