Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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