So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
