Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
