My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
