he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
