I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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