i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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