sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
