weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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