you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
