you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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