so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we made out on top of his cat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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