I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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