If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
