ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh god it's open bar.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
